Well guys, I've found myself again, and it's wonderful. I'm happier than I've been in years. Oddly enough, I feel like I've come full circle; like I'm back at the beginning again, the same person I was four years ago. But I'm not - I'm so much more than that. All those idealistic fantasies are still here, but they've been explored and expanded, so that I not only have them, but I know why I have them, why I believe them. I tried to change myself, but I didn't realize that, as a person, you don't need to change who you are to move forward - you just need to grow. So here I am, back in my true identity, poised on the edge of adventure, full of hope and excitement to see what life will offer, but also smarter, and wiser, and focused.
I haven't been very productive this past year. I let myself "take a break," but in all honesty, I was just being lazy. But the good news is, I finally sat down and made some decisions about where I want to head. I didn't realize how uneasy I was about my future until those decisions were out of the way.
Very soon, I'll be going back to school to get my Masters of Art in English. The details are still a little fuzzy right now, but I am most excited about finally resolving to take the leap. As much as I loved getting my BA in English, I will admit that I really had no direction when it came to getting it. I chose to study English because I loved writing, and in the process, found my true passion in things that have already been written. But what do you do with a BA in English? Well, I'm taking the bull by the horns and hanging on tight. Ever since I left college, I've only wanted to go back. It's where I love to be - among others I can learn from, wallowing in the constant exchange of information. I belong in academia. Most of you shudder at the thought, but some of us simply find our calling there.
The thought of being an English professor - of spending my life continuously studying literature and sharing it with others, teaching them and learning from them, is fantastically appealing to me. Even "publish or perish" rings out as more of a challenge than an alarm. Being a professor, at least in the liberal arts, is actually more about learning than it is about teaching. When I finally realized that, it was like I had finally found the door to my future. So, in all my infectious excitement, I'm going back to school for my Masters and Doctorate in English. Will it be easy to find a job? Probably not. But if I choose practicality over passion, I'll never realize my true potential. Sure, I'll get by. I might even be happy. But I will always wonder "what if," and that is something I never want to haunt me.